


Living Through the Pain

by TheLittlePlaidMaid77



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Boys Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Funeral, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Memories, Minor Character Death, Neville is a good bro, Night Terrors, Nightmare, Not shown though, Seamus is mess, Smoking, Smoking is bad, Unforgivable Curses (Harry Potter), Will add more tags as I go, friends being there for each other, funeral in the 3, gay kissing, love is corny, underage smoking in chp 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2019-12-07 06:06:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18230942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittlePlaidMaid77/pseuds/TheLittlePlaidMaid77
Summary: Dean died in the battle of Hogwarts and Seamus isn't coping very well. Neville and friends are trying to help but sometimes time is the only way to heal.





	1. Getting Ready

**Author's Note:**

> When people call Seamus, Sea it's pronounced how it looks and when someone (usually Dean) calls him Shay it's also pronounced how it looks and will be used mostly in flashbacks for reasons that will be revealed in later chapters (oh the intrigue haha)
> 
> I wanted to make Seamus sound fully Irish but since I'm a coward I didn't (Although if you want to check out the Irish sounding version it's on fanfiction. com by the same name)

It had been a rough two weeks but the day Seamus had been dreading finally came, the day of the memorial, the day Seamus finally forced himself to change out of the ratty t-shirt he had been wearing since that day-. _His_ last day. Seamus shook his head, now is not the time to grieve, he thought angrily as his vision blurred, wiping away tears Seamus stood in his room buttoning up his nicest dress shirt as the early morning sunshine turned into golden afternoon rays on the bedroom wall.

-

Seamus spun around when he heard a soft knock, as the door slowly swung open; his heart skipped a beat hoping that maybe just maybe it would be _him_ , the tall, skinny, black boy he had been in love with since third year. "Neville what are you doing here?" Seamus croaked his voice husky and rough from disuse.

-

"I came to check up on you, nobody's seen you since-" the sandy-haired boy murmured trailing off when he caught Seamus's eye, his own blue ones eyes clouded with grief and worry as he stood in the doorway.

-

"I'm fine, just lost my best friend that's all" Seamus spat sitting on the bed that hadn't been made in at least a week after Neville had forced him to go home and get some sleep rather than stay and help with repairs around the school.

-

Neville's gaze softened, he knew Seamus had taken Dean's death badly but he hadn't realized how bad until he saw the anger in Seamus's eyes, sighing softly Neville entered the bedroom. "You don't have to go you know it's just a ceremony the-" Neville trailed off as Seamus shot him a look.

-

"I know the bloody funeral is on Friday, but this is just as important it's to remember everyone who died fighting at the Battle of Hogwarts, Colin, Professor Lupin- Dean." Seamus's voice cracked at the last name and fresh tears formed as he buried his head in his hands.

-

"I know, I know, I miss him too" Neville sighed as he joined the sobbing Irishman on the bed, laying a hand on a shaking shoulder.

-

"I- I don't think I can do this" Seamus whispered hoarsely his body tensed at the sudden touch, taking a long shuddering breath his muscles relaxed before breaking into another fit of sobs.

-

"Sea if you can defy the Carrows you can definitely put on trousers" Neville joked forcing a smile as he gave Seamus a gentle push.

-

"I didn't mean going to the memorial- I meant living in general, I can't stand the thought of living without him, it just isn't fair" Seamus croaked tears still streaming down his cheeks as he tried to calm himself down. Tearing himself away from Neville, Seamus slowly rose from the bed and made his way to the bathroom to finish changing.

-

"Well Seamus, I just want you to know I'm here for you anytime, anywhere, and Luna is expecting to hear from you soon, she's worried about you" Neville called from the bedroom

-

"Ah so did you finally tell her about how you feel?" Seamus teased voice cracking a little at the effort to be cheerful and a small smile danced across his lips as he pressed a dry towel to his newly washed face. Everyone knew Neville had no interest in the Loony DA attendee but it was still fun to tease him about it.

-

Neville gave a half laugh "as if- You know I'm not interested in anyone" Neville lied thinking about the beautiful blonde woman waiting downstairs talking to Mrs. Finnigan.

-

Seamus walked out of the bathroom his tie hanging around his neck, "Nev please I was only joking, I know all about Hannah, You two were inseparable last year and she nearly kissed you to death when she found you after the battle." Seamus said remembering the moment fondly. It was probably the last time he had felt truly happy since the end of the war before he found out what the cost of war was.

-

Neville blushed before walking over to Seamus, fixing Seamus's tie Neville gave the small Irishman a tight hug "It's going to be alright, Sea and if you ever need to get out of here you can always crash at my place."

-

Seamus looked up at the slightly taller boy his eyes glimmering with fresh tears, "Thanks mate that means a lot, really" Seamus breathed giving Neville a tight squeeze

-

"Boys we got to go, the Portkey will be leaving soon and Luna will have my skin if we aren't on time" Hannah Abbott shouted from downstairs. The sudden sound broke the silence and the two boys sprang apart, giving each other a final nod the two boys made their way downstairs.


	2. The Memorial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for a certain Irishman to face the reality, that the war is over and he isn't the only one hurting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italicized bits are from the past

The landing left a lot to be desired, fortunately, grass stains and windswept hair were easy problems to solve when you could use magic. Seamus would never get over traveling by portkey, sure it was better than the floo network that seemed to always singe the hairs on the back of his neck, not to mention a lot faster than flying would have been and with the protective spells back in place over the old school apparating was definitely out.

 

Picking up the old hairbrush Seamus tried to ignore how his hands shook as he tossed it in with the partially full box of odd portkeys. It only got worse as his group walked the well-worn path to the familiar iron gates leading to the castle. Neville was babbling something about plants to Hannah, the pair looking just as nervous as Seamus felt, but he tried to swallow it, tried to pretend that every fiber of his being wasn't screaming at him to run back to that old brush and go home and hide under his covers until the nightmare that was his life ended. 

 

The castle was clearly visible through the trees when he was torn from his thoughts by a gentle yet firm grip on his arm "Neville, Hannah would you mind going ahead, and saving us some seats, we'll be up there in a wag of a wand," Mrs. Finnigan said in a voice dripping with false cheeriness 

 

"Uh everythi-" Neville started 

 

"Of course Mrs. F, come on Nev," Hannah said sharing a knowing look with the older witch before taking the former Gryffindor by the hand and practically dragging him past the gates and toward the recently repaired bridge

  

"Mum, the Memorial's gonna start soon and Professor McGonagall isn't known for tardiness," Seamus said glancing behind him as a few other groups of former and current students rushed past

 

"We've got time for this honey" Mrs. Finnigan said gently pulling her boy close into a tight hug "Seamus, I'm so proud of you, and I am sorry for keeping myself in the dark for so long about the war and all- and I'm sorry about Dean I really am, but I think he would be happy that you're here" 

 

Seamus returned the bone-crushing hug, feeling younger than 17 but older than his years when they separated heading toward Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Seamus gazed up at the huge castle as he and his mother followed the small crowd heading toward the school, it looked smaller than he remembered and the glow and warmth that used to radiate from the building was gone, replaced by dark shadows and a chill in the air that sent shivers down his spine.

 

"You ready Little One?" his mother asked putting a warm but firm hand on his shoulder. Seamus nodded finding comfort in the old pet name as his mother steered him through the courtyard and inside the school to the Great Hall. Neville and Hannah were sitting with Luna in the far back two empty seats waiting for them one right on the aisle, Seamus let his mother slide in next to Luna, who tried to give him a small smile but it was forced and looked creepy on the pale teen. Looking past the wispy blonde Seamus watched the pair next to her, holding each other's hand tightly as if the memories of what happened here only a few weeks ago would break them apart.

 

As Seamus's eyes grew accustomed to the dimly lit Great Hall, he noticed that the once vibrant ceiling was now gray and gloomy mirroring the unusual spring afternoon. Shifting his gaze to the front Seamus wondered how he could have ever been happy here. How just a couple of years ago before the war tore everything apart, he had sat in the same dining hall, eating, laughing, and secretly loving his best friend, it seemed like decades ago rather than just two years.

 

The old dining hall went silent as Professor McGonagall walked down the aisle her once steely demeanor had softened and Seamus could see sadness etched on her face as she passed. Reaching the front of the room she stepped behind the podium and the memorial began. Throughout the ceremony people spoke of departed loved ones and moving past the grief, how it was important to celebrate the freedom they died for and to not to live in the past. Looking at his feet Seamus tried to ignore the pain and anger he felt in the pit of his stomach wondering if the pain of losing his best friend would ever disappear. Suddenly all of the emotions Seamus thought he had suppressed surfaced, excusing himself he fled outside running across the courtyard, his heart still racing as he leaned against a pillar.

 

Taking a deep breath Seamus rooted around in his trouser pocket, where he found it, the small box Dean had painted for him, the goodbye present. With a shaky hand, Seamus pulled out the box, rubbing his thumb against the smooth wood he slid open the top and took out a cigarette. Seamus lit the white tube of nicotine and tar with his wand before putting the cigarette to his chapped lips inhaling deeply, he thought about before Dean had died the small red and yellow painted box had contained pebbles and a picture of the two of them from the summer before Fourth year, when the two boys had spent hours running around the Irish countryside.

 

Now the box contained 'Cancer Sticks' as Dean called them; this was Seamus's first since he had to say goodbye to Dean when he left to escape the Ministry and the horrible Muggleborn Registry. That boy had been the reason Seamus had quit in the first place and now he was gone- Seamus exhaled softly watching the trail of smoke dissipate before taking another long drag as he remembered the cigarette he had thought was going to be his last.

 

_"Shay can you just stop for a second, please I'm trying to tell you something important" Dean growled softly as Seamus watched him from his perch on the window sill. "_

 

_Go ahead I'm listenin' " Seamus laughed as he attempted to blow smoke rings out the open window, warm summer sunlight basking the Irishman's bedroom in bright rays. "_

 

_Shay, I'm leaving," Dean said quietly as he watched the dopey Irishman, his voice hollow and dull like the sound of raindrops falling into an empty watering can._

 

_Seamus dropped the cigarette, cursing he quickly extinguished it with the heel of his shoe, before tossing it out the window, shocked. "What do you mean, you're leaving, You just got here" Seamus exclaimed leaping to his feet._

 

 _"_ _Seamus I'm sorry but I have to, it's too dangerous to go back to school, with the Ministry hunting for Muggleborns and the registry I'm lucky I got my family to go into hiding before someone came looking for me" Dean murmured looking at his boots._

 

_Seamus bit his tongue although he wanted to argue and suggest Dean stay with him, he knew Dean leaving was for the best. Even though the thought of losing his best friend hurt more than a Blast-Ended Skrewt burn, he knew that he had to stay strong for Dean as hard as that would be. Sighing loudly Seamus blinked away tears, although he was usually the one people called the emotional, Dean still had his moments of weakness which he allowed a select few to see._

 

_Seamus walked across the room, taking Dean by the wrist he pulled him into a tight hug wrapping freckled arms around the taller boy's waist. "When do you leave?" Seamus asked quietly as Dean wrapped his strong arms around him_

 

 _"Today, I can't take any chances" Dean mumbled resting his chin on the top of Seamus's dirty blonde hair Seamus whimpered and held him closer pressing his nose into his lover's chest trying to remember his scent never wanting to let go of the one person who meant the most_  

 

"You know those things will kill you" Seamus blinked the sudden sound jolting him from the painful memory, Seamus turned around expecting to see his mother or Neville but instead an one-eared ginger stood propped up against a column. George gave a weary smile "Can I bum one?" he asked his eyes giving away the sadness that Seamus knew mirrored his own.

 

"Sure, but shouldn't you be inside?" Seamus asked raising an eyebrow as he handed George a cigarette. Taking out another for himself Seamus let go of the old one and crushed it with his foot, using his wand Seamus destroyed what was left and lit his second of the day.

 

George snorted "I could say the same thing about you," he said humorlessly. Seamus only nodded before looking back toward the Great Hall, as voices from within echoed throughout the courtyard. As they smoked Seamus looked around, the castle looked almost the same as it did before the war, aside from the obelisk, honoring the fallen, where the fountain used to be, and the undeniable dark cloud that still hung over the school. It was hard to believe that it had only been a couple of weeks since the war ended. Two weeks since the destruction of not only Seamus's entire world but also of the man's who stood before him. Seamus studied George as he smoked, Seamus knew he was in bad shape having only slept five hours in as many days, but George seemed considerably worse off, his eyes were puffy and the mischievous glint that always signaled trouble had been replaced with a glassy haunted stare.

 

"Seamus Malachi Finnigan what the Hell do you think you're doin'!" Seamus cursed and slowly turned around as his mother stormed over to the two boys. George thinking quickly swiped the incriminating evidence from Seamus's hand and tossed both of the burning wads of paper into a corner.

 

"Hello Mrs. Finnigan" George mumbled staring at his shoes as the short, blonde haired, Irish, witch passed him by, heading straight for her son.

 

"Mum- I- um-we were just talking " Seamus stammered turning a bright red as he tried to think of an excuse, glancing at the redhead who had taken the opportunity to retreat back to the castle leaving him to face his mother alone.

 

Mrs. Finnigan took a deep breath, although it hurt that her son had turned back to the bad habit that he had tried so hard to quit, she knew it was part of his healing process. "Seamus-it's" the witch sighed "when we get home I expect you to get rid of your stash" she finally said hating to have to parent when all she wanted to do was take away his pain, not add to it " and it's nearly time to go," she said softly trying to stay strong for his sake.

 

Seamus had never seen his mother like this, his usually smiling mother now looked almost as bad as Seamus, puffy eyed, mouth puckered in an attempt to keep from crying, he hadn't realized how hard Dean's death had been on her. "Alright I will" he sighed as his mother put a firm hand on his shoulder and led him toward the steady stream of people already exiting the Castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like always kudos and comments are always appreciated.
> 
>  
> 
> And just wanted to tell you kids reading this Smoking is Bad and it isn't a lot of fun either


	3. The Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for a funeral

The funeral was considerably worse than Seamus thought possible. It was a small affair, Dean's family was there, his three sisters sat quietly in the front row dressed in matching black dresses next to his mother and Dean's step-father. Most of Dumbledore's Army had come too; Seamus wasn't surprised by this and although this was the first funeral he had gone to, he had heard that Neville and Harry had been present at most of the others honoring the fallen soldiers of Dumbledore's Army.

 

Seamus sighed as big fat teardrops splattered onto his dark suit, it had been like this all day, no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop crying which if it weren't for the sidelong glances from Dean's extended family would have been fine. Except his thoughts would wander to when he had first arrived at Hogwarts already attached to the hip with the boy who would be his best friend for the next 7 years.

When Seamus had arrived outside the small funeral on the hill, Mrs. Thomas was almost immediately by his side hugging him tightly just as Dean used to, which made Seamus ache for those powerful arms, that had made him feel so safe in times of uncertainty. Glancing at Dean's sobbing mother he wondered if she knew if Dean had told her about the two of them before he left. Seamus closed his eyes it didn't matter now, with Dean gone, nobody needed to know about the love they shared it was a secret that Seamus would take to his own grave.

 

The tears subsided once Seamus stepped up to the podium to say some words about his dearly departed. Taking a deep breath Seamus slipped the tear-stained flashcards out of his pocket, "Dean was and always will be my best mate" Seamus paused glancing at the white cards trying to fight back the tears "-Dean had a way about him that made everyone feel like they meant something, that they could make a difference, and even though a war raged outside he still looked on the bright side of things." Seamus sighed and looked at the gleaming amber colored box where his best friend laid "But Dean was no fool he knew the risks and fought bravely for what he believed in, until the very end." Seamus pocketed the remaining cards he had a lot more to say, like how good an artist he was, or how he would complain whenever Seamus blew something up but was always there to make sure he went to Madame Pomfrey even if he only lost half an eyebrow. With tears brimming Seamus gave a nod ending his speech and left the podium. I love you Seamus thought as he laid a heavy hand on the coffin lid before returning to his mother in the second row.

 

Joining his mother Seamus sat down glad to finally be done with the speech that he had spent days working on, "That was very nice, good job" his mother whispered putting a comforting arm around her son. As the funeral went on Seamus knew he should feel something, grief, anger, or even just a tad relieved that Dean hadn't had to make the same speech, but all Seamus felt was empty he didn't feel anything when Dean's mother spoke or when her eldest daughter who was barely 14 had to be led away from the podium when the tears made it impossible for her to speak. Seamus didn't even look up when he heard his name called when Luna Lovegood retold the story of the time she and Dean spent together at Shell Cottage.

 

When the muggle side of Dean's family finally left the cemetery, Seamus made his way to the coffin where people had left roses and lilies. With a shaky hand Seamus took out his wand and conjured a single Fire Orchid, Dean's favorite, placing it gently on the light amber colored wood he kissed the lid and whispered "I love you, now and I always will" a phrase that Dean repeatedly said to him after Seamus admitted his feelings for the dark haired boy. At last Seamus took a deep breath turning around he made his way down the hill to where his mother stood at the bottom waiting for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter but the next one is fully Deamus so be prepared 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated


	4. First  Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the boys are together in an exciting new chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally time for some actual Deamus yay!
> 
> It's when Seamus finally confesses his feelings and vice versa.
> 
> This chapter takes place during Sixth year but after Dean had broken up with Ginny.
> 
> Sorry for the short chapter but as they say short and sweet is a good thing, trust me I wish it was longer too.
> 
> Writers Note- I don't have personal experience with kissing so it might be a little rough, my sincere apologies.

"You what?" Dean exclaimed jumping up off the sofa sending his partially done Potions homework off his lap and onto the Common Area's floor.

"I- Love- Ya, Dean Thomas" Seamus stammered his ears turning pink from embarrassment. This was not how it was supposed to go, he hadn't meant to express his adoration for his best friend in the middle of the Gryffindor common room but damn that boy made him feel downright giddy and impulse control was never one of Seamus's strong suits.

The truth was Seamus had had enough of waiting, it took three years and the idea of losing Dean to Ginny for him to decide it was time to admit his feelings for the tall boy. He had nearly come clean after Ginny had dumped Dean but decided against it after he saw how hard Dean had taken the rejection, so he waited until Dean sorted through his emotions. Finally, after three weeks of painfully waiting for the right moment Seamus decided it was time, but instead of taking Dean upstairs safe from prying eyes Dean opted for staying downstairs claiming that he needed to finish his Potions homework before even thinking about going to bed. That had been the final straw and without even thinking of the consequences Seamus blurted out the words he regretted as soon as they were out of his mouth.

"Shay-I- I don't know what to say" Dean murmured, firelight danced mischievously in his warm brown eyes as he took a step toward the small Irishman whose pale blue eyes searched desperately for some kind of clue to how he felt. Seamus nibbled his lip nervously the tension was deafening. _This was a bad idea, why couldn't I just keep my damn mouth shut_ Seamus thought angrily.

Suddenly a voice broke the silence and the spell that had gone through the whole room "Merlin's beard, Dean are you waiting for an invitation, Just kiss him already!" Parvati exclaimed gleefully from the cushy chair she was occupying by the fire. The tension melted and Dean blushed deeply, giving Parvati a final grinning glare he advanced letting his lips meet Seamus's in a fit of passion.

Dean felt Seamus's body tense for a second before he melted under his touch kissing him hungrily as he pulled the shorter boy close.

Seamus was awestruck as he pulled away breathlessly, his hand still plastered to Dean's warm chest, he was secretly glad the kiss had happened here rather than upstairs where the deadening quiet would make any attempt to discuss it awkward and forced. Down here though with the crackling of the fire and the low lamp light it felt right and necessary, Seamus was even glad that Parvati had run interference although he wished she had been a little bit more discreet about it as he glanced around the room at the multiple people now watching the two boys. "Dean, I hope this means you feel the same way" Seamus laughed his pale blue eyes sparkling as he met the warm brown gaze of his best friend, Dean rolled his eyes grinning as he took the blonde haired boy's hand in his own

"Seamus I love you, now and I always will" Dean whispered going in for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end was soooo corny but ugh couldn't help myself
> 
> Comments and Kudos are love


	5. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleep isn't always gonna be peaceful especially when ghosts haunt your thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the fluff cause we are in for some rough waters
> 
> Takes place November 1998

He was back in Hogwarts walking down a corridor, the dream always started out the same and Seamus willed himself to wake up, prayed to whatever God was out there that he would stop walking toward the classroom where most of the good memories had been overwritten with bad ones, but he kept going, the empty hall growing darker and colder as he neared the old wooden door that appeared to open on its own. He knew what was coming he could hear the mocking voices of Death Eaters pretending to be professors, he wanted to scream, to fight against whatever dark magic forced him to go further. 

There was a body on the floor of the classroom, whoever it was tall, skinny, male, and horribly familiar- "No, NO! Dean!" Seamus screamed a figure was towering over the broken body a leer painted on their face wand pointing straight at him 

"Crucio" the man shouted

 

"Seamus-Seamus-Sea wake up!" Seamus bolted upright drenched in sweat; his heart pounding as the screams faded from his ears, dream still fresh in his mind. 

"Easy, easy, it's over, you're okay, I've got you" Luna whispered pulling him close as she gently untangled his sweaty limbs from the mass of blankets her hands gentle but firm as she touched the trembling youth.

Fighting back tears and the urge to get as far from the memories the dream brought with it as possible. Seamus dug his face into Luna's shoulder as flashes of convulsing limbs and sparks of red and green light danced behind his tightly closed eyes the memory of being cursed burning through his limbs like it had happened yesterday. 

 

This was Seamus's new normal, whenever he finally gave into sleep he could count on waking up in the arms of a friend or in rare cases, his mother, who could barely look at him nowadays without bursting into tears, the nightmares causing serious problems in the small cottage besides lack of consistent sleep for anyone living there.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Luna asked her warm hands rubbing Seamus's back as he began to calm down. Seamus knew the only reason Luna, Neville, Hannah and, sometimes even Ginny came to his rescue was because his mother asked them to. In the six months since the battle, he hadn't gone a night without waking up from a nightmare and his mother had long stopped trying to wake him up after he had nearly cursed her after a particularly bad night terror.

Seamus looked up at the Ravenclaw her face was unreadable in the darkened room. "The Carrows-they-they-oh God" Seamus whimpered burying his head in Luna's shoulder once more, the dream still fresh in his mind. Even though it felt like a lifetime since he had been last tortured by the Carrows the thought of his former 'teachers' still made Seamus tremble like a pathetic child.

"Oh Seamus it's alright, they can't hurt you now-I won't let them" Luna whispered softly tightening her grip on the still trembling man aware that the memories from that year were still fresh in the minds of those who endured the worst of them.

Finally, after taking a deep breath Seamus pulled away from the wispy blonde haired Ravenclaw "Thanks Luna" Seamus sighed as Luna shifted her weight letting Seamus roll onto his stomach a position that he had always found comfort in. Letting his body relax Seamus tried to drift off to a hopefully dreamless sleep, Luna's hand still rubbing his back just as his mother used to do when he was younger and couldn't sleep.

"It's going to get better Seamus, I promise" Luna whispered but it was too late Seamus was already breathing deeply, fast asleep, the lack of sleep and exhausting night activities working in the Irish youth's favor. Luna tenderly kissed the top of the blond's head before creeping out of the bedroom and into the dimly lit hallway. Luna stopped in the doorway for a second to watch the rhythmic rise and fall of the restful sleeper. Suddenly a hand shot out of the dark grabbing Luna's arm she gasped and turned around to see Mrs. Finnigan, Luna's heart melted at the sight of the worried mother, she could only imagine the pain the blonde woman felt as she watched her son wear himself out for days before finally collapsing into bed only to wake up screaming a few hours later.

"How's he doin'?" Mrs. Finnigan asked wringing her hands as she glanced into her son's quiet bedroom.

"Better than last time" Luna murmured giving the woman a hug before going downstairs to try to forget the look of terror on her former classmate's face hoping that the rest of the night would be peaceful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are love


	6. Unexpected Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seamus ends up at Neville's after a rough year without Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And guys I hate to be THAT author but please review I need to know if I should continue the story or just stop posting for a while.
> 
> This chapter and the one after is mostly from Neville's perspective

It was early one warm spring morning and the purple hue of dawn had just started to cover the clear sky, when Neville heard a faint knocking on his door "Hannah it's a bit early to be coming by don't ya think" Neville laughed glancing at his watch, it read 5:30, shaking his head and still wearing his Mandrake pajamas Neville opened the door to someone who was certainly not Hannah. "Seamus, what are you doing here?" Neville asked surprised by the sudden appearance of his former classmate.

"You said if I ever needed a place to stay, I could always crash at your flat" Seamus said plainly his dirty blonde hair looked freshly cut and his clothes looked laundered but Neville could tell the Irishman was still grieving by his glassy blue eyes and how he stood in the doorway a ghost of his former self.

"Of course, come in, does your Mum know you're here?" Neville asked as he brought Seamus into the small flat motioning him to sit at the rickety kitchen table that was almost covered in plants.

Seamus nodded sitting down "yeah she knows, forced me to clean up, before showin' up at your door said somethin' about hobos" Seamus muttered dreamily before resting his head on the table.

"Sea when was the last time you slept?" Neville inquired noticing for the first time not only the bags under the Irishman's eyes but also how Seamus's whole body seemed worn and seconds from a complete shutdown.

"Um… I'm not exactly sure" Seamus laughed half-heartedly his whole body ached and spots danced before his eyes as he glanced up at Neville.

"Dammit Seamus, we had a schedule… when was the last time do you think?" Neville asked trying to remain calm but as he stared at the thoroughly exhausted man he only became angrier at not only Seamus but at himself. Neville had always thought that by being the former leader of Dumbledore's Army that it was his unofficial duty to make sure not only Seamus but all of the DA was coping with the aftermath of the Second Wizard War. Neville knew it wasn't his job to make sure Luna was going to therapy and his weekly dinner with the Patil twins was not required of him but he still felt a sense of responsibility for his comrades who braved the Carrows and what followed.

"Well wait a minute, I think the last time I really slept was about three weeks ago... yeah three weeks exactly" Seamus sighed his memory of the last couple weeks was murky and he couldn't even remember where he had been before showing up at Neville's.

"Three weeks… why three... oh the anniversary of course" Neville trailed off as he remembered the first anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts had taken place three weeks prior.

Sighing Neville got to work on an early morning cuppa, putting on the kettle Neville could only watch as the slumped figure gently nudged a nearby flowerpot, "Sea you need to sleep, let me help, I've got some pretty good herbs and…" Neville started walking over to the blond man.

"I'm fine Nev, you don't need to fix me" Seamus growled flinching as the kettle whistled, his head felt fuzzy and the headache that had started as a slight pain had grown into a pulsing mass.

"Fine, then get the tea and I'll grab the cups" Neville challenged crossing his arms waiting for Seamus to make his move, figuring that either the stubborn Irishman would pass out on the way to grab the kettle to try to prove him wrong or admit defeat and allow Neville to help him to bed.

Seamus gritted his teeth and stood up but the sudden motion caught him off guard and he quickly sat back down the room spinning as he cursed.

"Come on you can stay in the guest room" Neville whispered as he put an arm around his exhausted chum, helping the poor man up the stairs wasn't a challenge "Sea you have been eating right?" Neville asked remembering the countless times before the war when Seamus would jump upon Neville and Dean usually crushing his intended target, now the thought of being crushed by the thin man was far from Neville's mind. The Irishman only shrugged in reply, biting his tongue Neville helped Seamus up the remaining stairs.

Finally reaching the guest room Neville placed Seamus on an old armchair as he moved plants off the many surfaces and pulled back the large quilt that adorned the small bed "Sorry about the mess I'm not used to company" Neville said turning around he sighed Seamus was already curled up in the faded red armchair his eyes closed but Neville knew he was pretending to be blissfully asleep, after nearly 7 years of living with a person it was easy to tell if they were faking or not. "Come on Seamus let's get you changed," Neville said as he disappeared to grab an old t-shirt that once bore the logo, of a Quidditch team, that had long since faded from the tan fabric.

When Neville came back Seamus had his back to the door and was already taking off his shirt, revealing large, ugly, old scars from that hellish seventh year. Neville flinched although he too had a few scars from that year they had already started to fade. "Here I think this should be big enough" Neville said as Seamus turned around, tossing Seamus the large tee Neville's heart dropped as he caught sight of the long ragged pink scar on Seamus's abdomen, it's my fault he has that one Neville thought bitterly, shuddering at the memory of that horrid night in the dungeon.

"Thanks Nev…. For everythin' " Seamus murmured tiredly as he put on the shirt which reached well past his knees.

Neville only nodded and left the weary man to finish undressing and get to bed, the image of the scar still seared into his brain.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, reviews, comments, and concerns are deeply appreciated.


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